In the Cheap Seats
Bobby "Butch" Burney | News-Telegram Sports Editor

Aug. 19, 2005 - Pardon any misspelled words in this column. You see, I'm typing with one hand while I signal my wife with the other.

Sounds stupid, but it looks even sillier, especially when it's on the basketball court. Maverick fans, get used to it.

The Mavs are expected to inexplicably sign Doug Christie and wife, Wackie Jackie, to a multi-year contract today. You don't get one without the other, which should mean you wouldn't want either.

Christie is known around the league as the guy who gives hand signs to his wife while he's playing basketball. That hand he's raising while he's bringing the ball upcourt isn't to signal a play, it's to let his controlling wife, Wackie Jackie, know he's thinking about her.

That's just what you want in the middle of a playoff game.

Christie and Wackie also renew their wedding vows every year with a complete, formal wedding. Tuxedoes, wedding cake, the whole bit. When he's doing an interview with a reporter, he holds his cell phone up in the air so she can listen to who is asking the questions. If it happens to be a woman, Dougie is in big trouble.

Every day, he must report to Wackie if he has spoken to a woman that day. Not just a reporter, but a cashier, a doctor, a fan - any woman.

Mavs owner Mark Cuban isn't afraid of a circus - shoot, his mansion probably has a big top covering it - but the curtain has come down on Christie's best years.

The signing of an aging, twice-cut Doug Christie smells of desperation. Christie was a Mavs-killer three or four years ago, but he's not the player he used to be, and he's going to be taking minutes away from Marquis Daniels and Jerry Stackhouse, which is not good.

The Mavericks have been fun to watch since Cuban bought the team, but the nightmare of that will come from Doug and Wackie will make Dennis Rodman's tenure as a Mav seem like a dream.

If you didn't like Mark Teixeira, Michael Young, Hank Blalock and David Dellucci before, you should now.

Those four were quoted in Wednesday's Dallas Morning News as finally calling out the Rangers' mismanagement team of owner Tom Hicks, general manager John Hart and

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