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TOPIC: Poll: Wedding question

Poll: Wedding question 3 years 5 months ago #15529

I would appreciate any yea or nays' on this one. Do you think a parent should pay for a wedding of a child who has a child and has lived with the father for almost 2 years. I know a couple who is refusing to (which I agree with by the way) pay for their daughters wedding who is in this situation and the daughter thinks they are being unfair. Just curious If I am just old fashioned or is this the norm now? She doesn't want a big wedding but it would probably run about 2500. The money isn't the issue on my stance, it's the principle.
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Re: Poll: Wedding question 3 years 5 months ago #15530

  • lighthousecollector
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Really this is a personal decision between the family.
However, if I were the parent(s) I would help with a small, intimate wedding, if I was able. Better to keep the relationship good than try to mend it later.
My 2c
Guilt is concerned with the past. Worry is concerned about the future. Contentment enjoys the present.
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Re: Poll: Wedding question 3 years 5 months ago #15531

  • Queen Bee
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I agree with Lighthousecollector on this one. It would be better
to help with the Wedding than to lose your daughter. It IS tradition that the Brides Parent's pay for the wedding. I have already paid for ONE wedding.. If my daughter married AGAIN I don't think I would feel OBLIGATED to pay for it but I would WANT to help her. Just keep peace in the Family and give your daughter what help you WANT to and let THEM come up with the rest.

Just Saying
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Re: Poll: Wedding question 3 years 5 months ago #15533

so even if she has been living with the guy 2 years and has a child with him and it was against the beliefs of the parent that they live together in the first place, you think they should still pay? Is this like give the kid what they want so they will be your friend thing? I respect the opinions, just trying to get my mind around the whole situation. I know these folks financial situation and they would have to borrow the money for this. But to me the money thing is off the subject. It's the principle. I guess I'm just old fashioned. I think If your going to live with them first, you give up the right to have your wedding paid for by your parents. So. 2 yeahs. Any nays?
Last Edit: 3 years 5 months ago by SouthernBaptist.
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Re: Poll: Wedding question 3 years 5 months ago #15534

  • lighthousecollector
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I still agree with my original post. I always have to ask myself
"What would Jesus do?"
I honestly think Jesus would pay for a small wedding and hope the daughter would realize the parents love her even if she chooses to go against what they've tried to teach her, just as He loves us even when we mess up.
Again, just my 2c
Guilt is concerned with the past. Worry is concerned about the future. Contentment enjoys the present.
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Re: Poll: Wedding question 3 years 5 months ago #15535

  • Gabrovic
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SouthernBaptist wrote:
so even if she has been living with the guy 2 years and has a child with him and it was against the beliefs of the parent that they live together in the first place, you think they should still pay? Is this like give the kid what they want so they will be your friend thing? I respect the opinions, just trying to get my mind around the whole situation. I know these folks financial situation and they would have to borrow the money for this. But to me the money thing is off the subject. It's the principle. I guess I'm just old fashioned. I think If your going to live with them first, you give up the right to have your wedding paid for by your parents. So. 2 yeahs. Any nays?[/quote

Just a few thoughts.

Anytime we reward behavior we find improper, we foster more of it. Secondly, that which is free is largely unappreciated. These are two of my life experience observations.
"Government is the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else." - Frederic Bastiat (19th century French economist)
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Re: Poll: Wedding question 3 years 5 months ago #15537

  • dave_k60
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A woman who is shacked up and doesn't even bother to get married when she finds out she's pregnant doesn't really need a wedding. Thecouple is already living as man and wife. If I got an invitation to a wedding like this, I wouldn't go - not that I'm a prude, but it would appear they were just fishing for gifts.

As to "What would Jesus Do?" All we know is that he would love them, but not condone the actions. A couple that was living together and had a child made a conscious, deliberate decision on the way of life they had chosen.

By the way - is the blushing bride going to wear white?
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Re: Poll: Wedding question 3 years 5 months ago #15538

yup
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Re: Poll: Wedding question 3 years 5 months ago #15539

  • inkeper
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There are lots of reasons that couples choose to live together before marriage, and also the pregnancy may have been unplanned (accidents do happen).

Do the parents like the guy despite the living together issue? What conversations did the parents and girl have when she announced she would be living with the guy? Did they tell her then not to expect any help in the future? How are they as grandparents to this child, and do they want to continue being grandparents?

So many questions but it all comes down to this...the kids are now doing what the parents wanted them to do all along. These kids also now have a better shot of making it at the marriage thing, you can learn an awful lot about each other in 2 years. I think the parents should make at least a token offering to pay what they can and give their blessings to the union.
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Re: Poll: Wedding question 3 years 5 months ago #15541

  • buckrack8
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I agree with Dave
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Re: Poll: Wedding question 3 years 5 months ago #15545

  • heartandmind
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i wouldn't borrow money (as in go into debt) for a wedding. but that's just me, personally.

if the parent's have objected to the living situation then the question is do they offer to pay or just pay for the wedding?

i'd say no, they're not OBLIGATED to pay for anything, particularly since the woman (note : not girl, but adult woman) is on her own and living in her own place.

at most, i'd offer to pay for a piece or a part of the wedding (as in the cake, or her dress, or something specific) that would be affordable (as in without going into debt for) to the parent.

....and after having seen some of those prices on the dresses or the cakes on some of those tv shows....boy oh boy....it's frightening how expense everything is!

most of my friends have waited to get married into their late 20s, in their 30s and even into their 40s - and consequently paid for their own weddings, largely. the parents will do a "small" portion of the wedding to help at most, but the bulk of the work and expense is on the shoulders of the couple.
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Re: Poll: Wedding question 3 years 5 months ago #15547

  • StanWright
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I've been photographing weddings for over 40 years. The trend now days is couples are older before getting married,,, in their late 20 or early 30s.
They are employed and usually living on their own. They are also having much smaller weddings and paying for everything themselves.

Most weddings these days are small and are held at sunset, outdoors on the beach.
$295 includes Minister, Photographer, Flower Leis, and "Hug Me" gift.
Total time less than 45 minutes.

Instead of huge weddings with a $299 wedding cake. $1000 in flowers,
$1500 photo package. $350 location rental. wedding gown, bridesmaid gowns, reception, food caterer..... and on $$,and on $$,and on $$$....
Find a Judge or JP, Invite the family, and make it legal. :)
Then go to a nice restaurant.

Couples these days are saving the money they would normally spend on the wedding and investing in a vacation or buying a home.
Why let the truth stand in the way of a good fish story?
Last Edit: 3 years 5 months ago by StanWright.
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Re: Poll: Wedding question 3 years 5 months ago #15548

  • StanWright
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B)
Save money with a....
"Redneck Wedding Cake"
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Why let the truth stand in the way of a good fish story?
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Re: Poll: Wedding question 3 years 5 months ago #15549

  • heartandmind
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stan, i don't know about you, but i'd be missing some of those "little debbie" snacks, specifically those with the peanut butter, the wafers and encased in chocolate......got a serious weakness for them! :D
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Re: Poll: Wedding question 3 years 5 months ago #15550

  • tjs
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L-O-V-E the cake Stan!!!

Here's my vote: I'd pay for what I could afford without going into debt. Going into debt for ANY wedding is ridiculus in this economy. A cake, bouquet, modestly-priced dress...... The daughter has made the decision to do what the parents wanted in the first place, right? That's just me.

I don't think I wouldn't help pay for the wedding of a second marraige.
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